Iced Coffee
Achievements, kindness, self-care, and beauty
Feeling Adrift
Today I woke up feeling adrift. This is not new for me. So I got up to brush my teeth, where, at the outdoor sink, Ellie hugged me.
We talked for a bit and I shared a little of my soul with 17-year-old, 100-year-old Ellie.
She told me people loved me.
Then I went to my room.
Trying to Achieve
I had a choice. I could jump into things. My mind started to make a list. It was Sunday. I could take advantage of the day. Go to the river and meditate. Chant. I am at a beautiful place in Costa Rica at a retreat center called Awake.
And I would be going to the river to try: to try to achieve something, to try to get somewhere, somewhere better.
Trying is also familiar to me.
Someone shared his key to life with me yesterday: meditate more; be present.
What I heard was the secret code that lay underneath his advice: try.
If I just try harder. Follow “X” steps. If I do those things I can be happy. Happy like him. Supposedly.
Hit the Pause Button
So this morning I paused.
Include Beauty in Your Life
I sat on my bed and looked at the pretty wall hanging I brought with me. I brought it for a sense of place and for the beauty I feel when I look at it.
Look at Yourself with Kindness and Feel What You Need
I looked at my face in the mirror hanging on the wall across from me and I liked what I saw. And I thought, “What do you need? What would make you happy?”
Achievements Are Transitory
Yesterday, I watched a video by Eckhart Tolle on manifesting. He pointed out that happiness from achievements is transitory.
What Can You Offer Yourself Kindly?
And in that moment, on my bed, I knew what felt good to me, what would feel like care.
Coffee. Iced Coffee.
The river and its beauty could wait. Because at that moment, coffee felt like care. It felt like the kindest thing I could offer myself.
And Then Do the Kind Thing
I walked through the quietness of a Sunday morning where the drive to achieve is slowed. The heat was not yet oppressive. I could enjoy the green. I hadn’t changed my clothes. In Costa Rica, I went to bed in the same thing I wore the night before to hear a friend sing. And when I woke up, for the first time in my life, I wore my sleeping clothes to the coffee shop. Which perhaps, as I think about it now, may be a Costa Rica thing as yesterday, a new friend was also getting coffee and mentioned the beautiful white shorts and tank top she sported were pajamas.
And this morning, coffee-iced-and-sleeping-clothes feel like care.
Pause, and Feel What Feels Good for You, Right Now
Sometimes it helps me to pause, and ask what feels good for me right now? What feels kind?
And maybe, that is what matters most.
You Are God’s Prayer
Maybe, if I am God’s prayer, and if you are too, that is a reverent thing to do. Maybe that is love… At least it has connected me to beauty and at this moment, I am not adrift.
I am content, with iced coffee.