Psychedelic Mushrooms, Self love & Acceptance, Lucifer, and Breathwork Sessions

There are many paths to personal transformation, compassion, and understanding regarding one's purpose and life experience. I wrote about a few of them this week.

My hiking adventure this week, with two of my Salvadorian friends who taught me about mushrooms and life

I am behind on my book, if behind means completing rereading and editing two chapters a day, which is my current intention.

But I hold my intentions softly now and adjust them to the flow of life. I listen to my body and soul and what it needs and I remind myself that this life is fleeting and whatever I do each day matters. No one is grading me, or tracking my progress and I have never lacked motivation.

That is especially clear this week, and it almost caused me some problems. I didn’t think much about it. Three of my friends just happened to be offering breathwork sessions on different days after my eight day silent meditation retreat, and I planned to fit them all in. That’s what I mean about motivation. Sometimes it can lead to me overextending myself with the best of intentions. But I only made it to two of them, which ended up being a really good thing.

If you don’t know much about breathwork, certain techniques, especially with good facilitation, can evoke a state in the brain similar to a psychedelic journey. In fact, Stan Grof, one of the early psychonauts, along with his wife, Christina, came up with something called Holotropic Breathwork at the Esalen Institute, when in the late 60s, psychedelic research was banned. It is hard to make it illegal to breathe, and those psychonauts were determined to keep their transformational explorations moving forward.

I like to remind myself that Alcoholics Anonymous was started by Bill W who wanted to include LSD in the program as he felt it helped him tremendously with his addiction. I think most people still don’t hear much about that. And I have been wondering recently about alcohol in relation to psychedelic mushrooms.

On a recent hike with a mushroom loving friend, who leads guided hikes to discover different fungi here, we discussed the two substances. I have found that I have developed quite an aversion to alcohol since microdosing them. An Italian friend is visiting here, and my mind is in favor of wine and good food mixed with interesting people who give me hope for the world, and friendly conversation. But my body enjoys the frequency state it is in now and that red wine feels like putting the wrong kind of oil in its engine.

a photo from my last hiking trip to Salcoatitán and the Monterey River

My friend has studied the science of mushrooms and guides individuals and groups of people on journeys. He said that when people drink alcohol along with taking psychedelic mushrooms, the two substances seem to go to war with one another and the person has a less than ideal experience, often demonstrating a temporary psychotic state, which is certainly not ideal for the group or for his efforts at facilitation. He won’t work with anyone who wants to drink and take mushrooms, but he told me that there was the time someone didn’t follow the rules and avoided telling him. It was clear from his expression even more than his words that things had gone very poorly.

I found the information validating and although I never planned to take a transformational dose of psilocybin along with a glass of wine and a friendly Italian, I am happy to know that it is a recipe for disaster. And I wonder a bit if microdosing mushrooms might have a general effect of limiting one’s desire for alcohol? My friend felt it did.

A few years ago in Costa Rica, I made two new friends, Louis and Clem, and experienced breathwork sessions with each of them. Louis Belleau, a writer here as well, is currently getting a masters in Psychedelic studies along with running Psygaia and offers two sessions of breathwork a month, on the new and full moon, on a donation basis.

Clementine Casafina and her boyfriend Drew at times offer psychedelic mushroom retreats in Costa Rica and Clem also offers group and individual breathwork sessions on line and in person. I hired her once to work with me individually with mushrooms.

The class I missed last week due to a lack of clarity on the time it began, was taught by Robyn Clements, who certified Louis in the style of Breathwork, called Breathwave, that they both offer to clients. But I think that was divinely orchestrated as I definitely did not need to participate in three breathwork sessions this week. Plus Clem had just the recipe to kick my ass in the best way after Louis warmed me up.

But I’ll get to that.

Since it was January, I felt it was time to start off the year with a mushroom journey as I feel I learn a lot from them that I can apply to my life and often I have some burning questions for God. The mushrooms help my brain activate in a way that makes it easier to get answers to them. So, after eight days of silent meditation, followed by three days of juice cleansing and Louis’s amazing guided Full Moon hour session of breathing the night before…I was Set. To be Set means I had done my best to be physically and mentally prepared.

My local friend explained, that mushrooms are in a grey area here when it comes to their status. His face expressed the cognitive dissonance he felt as he explained that psychedelic mushrooms are technically illegal, yet they grow “all over this country” and so banning them just seemed futile. Many of them love to grow in cow dung, and since cows are prevalent here, I imagine the little mushrooms are quite pleased and don’t care much about the opinions of the government.

I had a small quantity of them from a previous trip to Costa Rica and someone told me they don’t last forever, although I am unclear if that is true.

But, “by chance”, on the taxi ride to the airport after my silent meditation retreat, we had time for one stop in Costa Rica at a place Johnny, my driver, mentioned served Cacao.

We drove down a dirt road and arrived at a tiny gate that had a sign that it opened in two minutes. Johnny smiled and said we should be able to just go in. Three of us entered an outdoor seating area and were greeted by a beautiful woman from whom I ordered a cacao and a turmeric latte with almond milk and honey to go for our upcoming three hour drive.

Then I noticed a sign with a giant mushroom painted on it and asked if they sold mushrooms as well? They brought out chocolate bars made by someone I knew in Uvita, who I met the year before at the Bitcoin Farmers Market. I purchased some mushroom infused honey from him in the past and later met people who tried his chocolate bars and really liked them.

My plan was to take what I had stored back home when I returned and finish things up, but these were fresh chocolate bars and there were different varieties to choose from, which I find enticing. They had a menu with a description of the properties of each of them.

I was tired and it was hard to feel the energy of the chocolate bars, but I waved my hands over the assortment of them and settled on the one infused with Golden Teachers. I thought that was what I had left back in my room already waiting and since I found these mushrooms in the middle of the jungle at a very remote place “by chance”, at the only stop I planned to make on the way to the airport, and knew they had been made with integrity, I figured it was meant to be.

I asked Louis after the breathwork session, if he thought it was better to take them right after my three days of juicing, which I just finished, or after a meal.

Louis and I in Costa Rica a few years ago when we first met

“Well Terra,” he said, “they will feel a lot stronger if you take them straight after a juice cleanse.”

And I wondered to myself what felt like the kindest, best idea. After eight days at a vegan retreat and all that juice, I decided to give my brain a hearty breakfast with some healthy fat and protein for its upcoming workout.

Psychedelic mushrooms cause neurons in the brain to not only connect more holistically, they also cause neurogenesis, the growth of new neurons. For that, I figured my brain needed energy.

But even after all the preparation, I wasn’t really sure if I felt like I wanted to move forward with them. That is likely a sign I was going to learn something big as I frequently get skittish when a paradigm shifting experience is approaching. I think my brain senses it.

I told myself, “Terra, you know you are supposed to have an Intention. That is part of all of this. And you don’t have one. You don’t have to do this.”

I have a little purple book where I keep notes on my past adventures and reviewed them. I wasn’t sure how much room I wanted to give the mushrooms and God when it came to showing me something that might be useful for the growth of my soul. A nice question for all of them kept things simple like a good clean prayer. What would God do with me if I didn’t suggest anything? God might feel befuddled and start to feel a lot of confusion, you know?

But then I said, “Terra, you have done so much preparation. Why don’t you go ahead and see what happens?”

And I just felt like my journey was being orchestrated somehow. I knew about the importance of Set and Setting. I had been setting my body and psyche up for this in so many ways. I had a beautiful physical setting where I could play tranquil music in my room, burn a stick of rose incense, and surround myself with my crystals and even a little blue stone dragon statue with labradorite eyes that had been delivered to me from the US and felt like a little guardian.

So, I pulled out my purple notebook and decided I would randomly write down things that came to me to ask, or that I had been musing about a bit. It wasn’t really an intention, and it felt good to give them something to work with. Here’s what I said:

“I don’t have a specific quest other than how to live with an open heart, how to let go of blame, resentment, and irritation, and how to trust myself and life. Who am I? What is the “I Am” presence? Why don’t I lucid dream? I wish to be taught what I am ready to see and learn, I wish to heal my relationship and aversion at times to XXXX (someone in my family I will not name, who I know doesn’t read this) and to hold my own heart more and more and trust myself. OK.”

I looked down at my phone and set a timer for thirty minutes. I had a shot of turmeric/ginger/lime/and apple cider vinegar and drank it, as lemon or lime juice helps the liver process psilocybin. Then I took some Lions Mane tincture as it is good for the brain and hoped to avoid a headache after this. I had some niacin capsules, which some people combine with psilocybin and I picked up the bottle to see if my body wanted it? It clearly didn’t, so I put the niacin back down and took another dropper full of Lions Mane and another tincture I noticed in my cabinet called Focus, with various herbs and more Lions Mane along with Cordyceps.

Clem taught me in the past to split a dose in two and to take it half an hour apart. She said it was more gentle to do things that way.

I reverently unwrapped the golden wrapper and ate half the 2.5 grams of chocolate. And as I pushed “start” on the timer, I noticed it was 4:44 pm. I looked up the spiritual meaning and wrote what I read down in my little purple book underneath what I had already said:

*I am on the right path and my angels are supporting me

*Trust my intuition

*Trust my abilities

*Persevere through challenges

Rose incense was burning, peaceful music without lyrics I liked was playing on Spotify on “repeat:”, a candle next to my bed that said, “Love” on the outside was lit, and I sat comfortably on some pillows next to it with blankets nearby in case I wanted to cosy up a bit. I expected the whole thing to take about 3 1/2 hours.

A few days later I was on a hike with with my mushroom loving friend. In addition to talking about alcohol, he mentioned how he had healed his wife’s depression with them. Another girl was with us who wanted to take them. She mentioned she wants to take them for the first time soon. He offered to support her and mentioned how important it is to have an intention.

I whispered to her that he was right, and that in the end, trusting herself was key. It had worked for me when I wasn’t quite sure what to ask other than what was best for me and to be shown what I was ready to see.

And what was I ready to see?

Nothing much seemed to be happening as I sat on my bed, and I noticed I left the closet door open. Ever since I was young, I liked closet doors closed when I sleep. I think now there is a reason for this. At six years old, I slept in a bedroom where someone in my family was subjected to some serious abuse. I suspect it may have happened in the tiny bedroom closet. My Grandma kept my bedroom door open, a nightlight on, and I made sure that closet door was shut before I went to bed.

I still am a bit obsessive about closing closet doors before I can really rest and that open door didn’t feel quite right.

I figured it was no big a deal to shut it since I wasn’t feeling much yet. So I got up and as I reached for the handle, I noticed a mirror on the wall inside, facing me.

I learned many years ago while reading a book on shamanism, how to gaze at my face softly in a mirror and see different faces appear, without using any substances.

So, as an experiment, I took a moment to pause in front of that mirror, soften my gaze and stare into my own eyes to see if I noticed anything. And what stood out was that I was aging. I thought about that and the relentless judgement that sometimes arises in me despite my desire and intention to love and accept the process.

Here in El Salvador, I am graced to have many friends who are much younger than me and I often forget about my age or theirs.

But at that moment, I looked in the closet mirror at 58 years of me, and it really stood out that I am no longer 23.

And I wanted to be free of all negativity I have soaked in from the world around me about body image and beauty. I really want to love this form God has gifted me without judging it. And Judgement has plagued me relentlessly nonetheless. It was worse in my teens, but I knew it was still here, evaluating the wrinkles looking back at me.

I walked away from the mirror and shut the door on Judgement’s unwelcome face. Instead I moved towards the window to take in the twilight view of the sparkling city lights. Next to me was another mirror, small and not particularly clean. But something made me pause again and look into it.

The light from the setting sun sparkled on my skin with a golden sheen that I knew the mushrooms were enhancing my capacity to see. The wrinkles on my neck were clear, and on my face as well, and my hair…well I wondered about it as I get compliments on it frequently, yet when I see photos of me from behind my first reaction is, “Oh my God, my hair is so Grey!” You know, not “silver” or “wavy” or “sensuous”. Grey. Like old and witchy in a displeasing way. I always know it is Judgement speaking and I was so tired of it relentlessly demeaning me.

So I looked at my hair in that mirror and started to lift it up off my shoulders and really see it.

And now I was sure the mushrooms were kicking in slightly, as I had never noticed a golden sheen on my skin and now my hair sparkled like metallic threads like multihued wings erupting from my head. Gold, blond, silver, and thin darker streaks. None of the wrinkles were going away and I still wasn’t 100% comfortable with them. But I knew my journey had begun and that this was part of it and learning to love myself and face down Judgement was likely going to be a process.

I went into the bathroom and decided to brush it slowly and the brush caught a bit, so I went in the shower and got some leave-in conditioner I had purchased a year ago in Costa Rica. All natural, with a slight scent of peppermint, which wafted around me in a soft cloud as I smoothed it in.

I continued to add conditioner until the brush ran through it with ease. It was a beautiful sensation to savor my hair like this.

I still couldn’t completely love the wrinkles and I didn’t fault myself for it.

I recently heard or read that life is more like the process of approaching a finish line and getting closer to the end, is what we are going for. I remembered that as I brushed my hair. It was a different view of aging and it felt sweet.

Then I sat down on the bed. It seemed like a lot of time had passed, but it still had been less than thirty minutes. I wondered if maybe the Golden Teachers from the little bit of chocolate I had left were not going to have a very big effect?

Ten minutes later, my timer went off. I changed the music a bit to better suit me, made sure it was still set on repeat, and savored the rest of the chocolate.

Soon after, I realized they were quite enough after all. I glanced at a beautiful image hanging on a wall in front of me, and for the first time, noticed a figure in it, hooded, and looking down.

The arms of the figure in the center are the sides of a hood, the top of the head of the hooded figure is the head of the figure in the center, and the solar plexus of the center figure is where the mouth of the hooded figure is, the face is looking down. I can still see it.

Things seemed just fine. I closed my eyes to see what was next…

…and found myself in Hell. I hadn’t expected that.

*One thing that has been true for me so far: when it comes to psychedelic mushrooms, I never know what to expect.

Now, there is an interesting young man staying here who has had quite a few discussions with me this past month around conspiracy theories, world domination, and Masonic ceremonies. A few times, he mentioned Lucifer and told me there are people who worship him. I wondered about that. The young man pointed out that if I typed “Illuminati” backwards into my computer like this: “itanimulli.com” it would take me to a NSA website. I tried it and it worked. Then he suggested I type Satoshi Nakamoto into an AI search and see what anagrams the letters made. I saw a long list of phrases that all started with “Satan”. Now, Satoshi Nakamoto is the mysterious founder, or group of founders, who along with other developers like Hal Finney, helped to create Bitcoin. And I have read enough about Bitcoin to find it gives me hope. It doesn’t feel satanic to me, although there are also rumors it was created by the NSA.

I have been thinking a lot about what is true and what is not and noticing how twisted Truth can become.

Without really realizing it, I had been quietly asking myself for a few weeks, “Where is the love in all this?” And what does Lucifer, who was very real to my young friend, a man who helped the trucker protesters in Canada and other’s interested in personal freedom, what does Lucifer and the Masons have to do with this world in which I live?

It was really something I was contemplating in the background of my awareness as I figured it was all beyond my capacity to comprehend. Instead, I focused on what I could do to improve myself and was busy at the retreat trying to discover places where I felt stuck energy in my body, that seemed angry, resentful, and hurt due to past events I experienced.

I wanted to be free.

I guess those Golden Teachers along with God decided the time was right to teach me about Lucifer and Satanic energy. And you may be surprised to learn that by the end, I saw Lucifer in a whole different light and my mission on Earth differently. And don’t worry, God and those Golden Teachers did not encourage me to worship the distortion I was noticing. Nothing of the sort.

Now, I imagine at this point, you may choose to stop reading as it is sounding rather dark and strange and mushrooms may sound like they create dangerous illusions that might be really scary, so I want to be clear about this. I am not saying anything I describe is The Truth, or How The World Works, or that Satan or Lucifer is Real and I can explain things. Not at all. I am just saying that on a different mushroom journey, it became clear to me that the only thing truly real is love, and on this particular quest for knowledge and personal growth recently, I was never scared. That’s me.

I have always believed Jesus really did walk on water, in a physical body, and that people can bilocate, or float in the air, with the right training.

I can’t do those things, but my sense of what is possible is perhaps more expanded than many people around me. I can’t be sure and I remember the moment I sensed my devout Catholic husband hadn’t taken the walking on water part of the bible literally. I didn’t know what to say, and I knew again that it testified to how differently we felt about so many things.

Then there was a man I met a few days ago who works in Silicon Valley with start up companies. One of the scientists he is helping has a new theory for how the universe works which he told me seems to solve a lot of things that aren’t solvable with other theories. He explained that what the man discovered is that physical things repel one another. Gravity is not pulling me towards the Earth. The Earth is actually repelling me and I, her. What holds everything together is an invisible field. Not gravity.

It made sense to me. I mentioned Ether to him and asked if maybe the field that holds things together was like that and was made of Love, or God? I imagined Jesus working with it, and lessening the force around him a bit so he could levitate his body.

The man looked at me thoughtfully and said, “Yes, maybe something like that…”

Then he offered to talk to one of my sons, who is considering working for a start up company.

So, the main thing around all of this, is that I meet a lot of very different and interesting people here in El Salvador, which feels like what I have been searching for my whole life. I feel more at home, and more free to be myself around the ones who seem to be thinking more freely and are interested in the perspective and feelings of others even if they don’t agree with their own.

And there were parts of my brain asking questions it couldn’t answer for quite some time. Questions like these: Is this real (the world)? Who is Lucifer (I believe the name means “Light Bearer”) and how is he involved in this realm I am in? Why is there a huge Masonic Eye in stained glass in the wall of a church here and why does it feel so heavy and dark despite the colorful glass embedded in it? What did my grandfather (who I recently learned was a thirty second degree Mason) do as part of that secret society? What is happening under the surface of all these world events I see?

My young conspiracy oriented friend predicted “They” were most likely going to take the internet down in the world yesterday, and opted not to join me for an upcoming hike for that reason. He suggested I buy gold and emphasized that Bitcoin wasn’t ultimately as secure as people think.

That didn’t worry me too much although I found it interesting and wouldn’t have been surprised if things crashed. But they didn’t and I am glad I kept moving forward with living this adventure and didn’t change my plans.

Years ago, my chi gong Grand Master and self-proclaimed good witch, Beverly, told me Lucifer used to be one of God’s most beautiful angels. He was full of light and even his name, means light-bearer. But then she said, he wasn’t happy as an angel and wanted it all. He wanted to be God and that is when his downfall began. His ego took over and it plunged him into darkness and delusion, into a state where he looked for light and energy outside of himself, instead of from within.

“He’ll get back to where he was again Terra. It will just take a long time because he fell a long way. But he’ll get there. We’re all learning.”

Beverly was certainly pragmatic.

I never forgot her version of Satan. A fallen angel. Lost in his own delusion.

So, when it came to my perspective, that’s what they were working with when the mushroom teachers and God decided to take me on a journey into Hell.

After loving my hair and sitting back on my bad eating the rest of my chocolate, I found myself in a field of dark, moving energy that flickered with tiny bits of colored light now and then. It was discordant and disorganized and I knew right away I was in the realm of Lucifer. I can’t say how, just that I could feel it.

Years ago, another psychic pointed out to me that Lucifer looked for light from external sources and not from within. I felt angry when she showed me an “angel” that was not an “angel” at all and was covered in light that did not come from inside. During that short meeting, I realized the light I saw belonged to me, and she helped me take it back. It was simple. I just recognized it and told him, “That belongs to me!”

What I really noticed on my mushroom excursion to Hell was how distorted things were and I could really feel that there is a lot of distortion on this planet and that it is a realm of delusion that Lucifer has created and is trapped in. In this distortion, there is a grasping for power and outward things, as opposed to inner wisdom, divinity, and the truth of “I Am”. I am a version of the divine. I am God’s prayer. I am loved, guided, and here on a mission. And when I saw a version of this planet as a distorted field Lucifer created and is caught in, I felt compassion arise in me. I saw many of us, (you included if you are reading this far), come here to help free him from the distortion he has caused and is caught in. To hold the truth, which is that nothing is real except for love, which is what God is,…and to express that here in many ways, so that this beautiful planet, including Lucifer, can evolve and hold a higher frequency. And I felt the planet itself wants to help with this.

I saw that the beautiful house I am in here, that I love so much and call to myself, “she,” that no one is truly caring for as much as I wish, is just fine. The physical building can deteriorate. It doesn’t change who she is one bit. What I love about this house on a deeper level has to do with energy, and not about the physical structure at all, which has likely been built on a sacred place on the planet. And the planet itself is loving and the energy of it will never disappear, even after the physical essence I feel and see is long gone. Things are not what they seem and that includes you and me.

(*Update: a few days after my experience, things have changed in the house and it is being loved tremendously again. My young friend is organizing things, watering plants, and hanging paintings back on the walls. We are both connected with the owner now and it is clear how much it means to her. I am quite touched to see all of that happening.)

I found myself talking to Lucifer (although I was talking more to an energy than a form of him) and telling him that we, meaning me and other bringers of the light, would keep coming. We would not give up. We would not leave him alone until he was free of his own delusion. I was sure he didn’t believe that, yet I knew it to be true. I felt a lot of mother energy in me speaking as if to a young child who had created something and was stuck in it, and suffering. And I loved Lucifer in that moment.

I imagine that may sound strange and possibly disturbing and I hope not.

There is an image that has been flowing through my mind since then. A disturbing image, yet it too, has a lot of love and hope in it.

The image is of a local woman here I saw on a video making Pupusas, something many local people here love to eat. They are like little corn pancakes, fried, with things inside like meat, cheese or beans. A year ago in a part of the city most tourists don’t go, I walked by a little stand with a friend that missed the news about inflation, and still sold seven of them for $1.

In the past, to be a member of a gang here, which originated in Los Angeles, the young men had to do something terrible to someone in their family. This included things like killing babies or in this case, cutting off the hands of this woman. Despite someone in her family doing this, she was using the stumps of her arms to make pupusas and in the video, I saw her smiling happily as she made them.

Something about that has to do with love and resilience.

A few days later, I was getting ready for breathwork with Clem.

Clem

I was taking LionsMane tincture and still recovering, my brain hurt a little bit.

Our group session started at 6pm.

I had spent the day with my friend, Juan, touring the city, and finding a place with storage units I could rent if I needed one. We visited a condo building named after a Hershey Chocolate bar that I wondered if I might want to live in sometime? It was tiring and when I returned in the late afternoon to prepare for Clem, Iris, the maid, informed me that she was ready to clean my room.

Weekly cleaning is included in my rent and I had been looking forward to it. But it was already late and I felt frustrated that she had been cleaning the different parts of the house and waited to attack my room until after I got back. I told her about my class at 6pm and that I needed to lie on my bed for it. She said it was no problem, but I was worried a bit. Was she sure she could wash and dry the sheets in time?

She assured me it would be fine, so I told her to go ahead.

At 5:45 I went downstairs as she had not appeared to make the bed. The dryer was running and my sheets were still wet. She was nearby and mimed to me that when she removed them from my bed, she felt a lot of energy. I imagined all the things I had been doing had left some energy in them and I was surprised she had sensed it. Who was this maid that felt things in my sheets, things I didn’t feel myself?

Mostly though, I was feeling stressed as my bed was not ready for my class with Clem.

So, I left the door open to my room and set myself up on the padded window seat in and hoped Iris would appear soon while we were all setting up our Zoom cameras and Clem was getting everyone ready to begin.

The call began and we started to breathe. Four people living here were downstairs. One had written an article about Burning Man. Two were software developers who had worked on a new decentralized internet protocol called Urbit. The fourth was my conspiracy theory friend.

I didn’t think they would be too concerned with noises I might make, but I preferred to have the door closed. My closet door issue was coming up again.

I decided in some way, it was all orchestrated and this too, on some level I didn’t yet understand, was happening for me and not to me.

I never experienced so much intensity in a breathwork session before. I had tetany in my hands, and my entire pelvis and legs felt like they were vibrating. So was my sacrum and I began to feel a distinct possibility I might throw up.

In the end, Iris never came, and when we finished, I noticed my bedroom door was still open. I told myself she was probably afraid to come in.

And yet, I felt like something shifted from it all in my system. Clem told me she felt my body was releasing some very old tension and trauma I didn’t remember and part of it had to do with worrying about what other people think, which that open door really triggered for me.

It felt like she was correct and I felt better for going through it. When I saw my housemates later when I went downstairs to retrieve my sheets and make my bed, I was surprised to see admiration coming towards me from them.

One of them said he felt he had some tension to release and he wanted to know more about those breathwork sessions.

I tell myself I lead a strange life, and yet I am grateful for it. Maybe I am learning to embrace what I call “my strangeness.”

I am doing what I feel called to do. Writing this to you. Working on my book. Having meaningful and edgy discussions with people and accidentally zapping cleaning ladies with my sheets.

On this planet filled with delusional energy, it is hard to tell sometimes what is important and what has value? Is it to look young? Or to be rich? Is it about having friends, who want you to think like them?

I think in the end for me, it is about following my intuition and my heart. And it is about releasing distortion from my body and loving myself, and finding compassion for myself, and even for Lucifer and the pain that comes with all this delusion. It is about discernment.

My mushroom friend said he decided to quit working overtime developing websites. He was afraid to stop as the thought he needed the money.

“And then I decided to trust my intuition, Terra, and do what inspires me. The minute I decided to pursue giving tours to people and offering healing work, doors have been opening for me. We have God-given gifts Terra, and if we decide to use them, we will be supported.”

So I will keep following my heart, and trusting the flow of my life as best I can while celebrating where I am at on my way to a finish line, that will lead to another adventure and destination. Maybe its not about a finish line after all.

Blessings on your own transformational journey and wherever it leads. We are all stars in the sky with different vantage points and that is a beautiful thing.

Louis and his friend, Jack, are currently offering in person retreats for men in Canada along with the on-line breathwork sessions linked above. You can find Clem’s links above as well.

not a psychedelic mushroom and it is such a pretty little thing, I decided to include it

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