Eleven tips on how to handle anxiety and uncertainty

and allow for spaciousness in order to steer your ship

photo I took on a walk today, …after leaning into trust

I felt it this morning again. “I am getting tired of this,” I told myself.

I was anxious despite my warm comfy bed and the soft, grey overcast sky outside my window, the gentle rain falling, and cool mist flowing sensuously around the green foliage.

It is my second time here in this B&B as I decided to come back after a short trip to Avebury a few days ago. It is nice to settle into places I feel hold me like a nest and this room, decorated in soft shades of blue and turquoise, is one of them. Even the plants on the window ledge have a touch of soft blue-ness.

a plant in the window, with a bottle of Sweet Cicely water and my little crystal friend I travel with

Places that feel like a nest help me when I feel anxious.

Outside the window are two yellow roses, now drooping with both age and the weight of dewdrops.

When I arrived the first time, they were only buds.

“Time is passing,” I told myself. “You need to figure things out.”

The “things” are both the obvious: “Where will I go after this?” and the not so obvious underlying question that whispers: “What should I do with my life?”

The “What should I do with my life?” question has plagued me for eons. I have managed to do many things despite its presence. The question wants me to have a plan. It wants a resume. It wants to have some kind of diploma to show someone when I die that I can point to and say, “See….just look here. Look at this piece of paper I got. I did this. Please check off your list that I accomplished a meaningful life.”

Silly, isn’t it?

Of course, the place the question comes from, doesn’t think that just observing and savoring beauty counts. That sitting and feeling the delight of being alive and walking through misty lanes is a worthwhile use of time. Time, to that question, has to do only with what I accomplish. What can be measured. What other people value.

That question sees me and my life, more like a commodity than a blessing.

And for sure, that question comes with feelings of anxiousness.

Then, there is the general uncertainty of life. I am sure you know what I mean as there is so much of it in the world now. The uncertainty of these times seems incredibly obvious it seems trite to even mention it. But the thing is, I don’t think many people are speaking about how to manage oneself in the midst of it.

One of my less-than-useful strategies is to complain about things I don’t like and want to be different. Things I don’t have a lot of immediate control over.

Recently it has been chem trails. I don’t know why I have been taking pictures of them. But I have.

I see other people do it with politics.

“You’ve got that new guy in office now…” says the host with sympathy to me (I decide he leans left and choose my words accordingly) . Another friend talks about “those Democrats…and how Musk is going to save us.” (I choose how to talk to them based on their comment as well. I tell myself not to bring up anything about technocrats.)

If one can point a finger at something, then one can fix it, right?

Ahhh well.

Perhaps not.

Because I have realized how I am doing and how I feel in this world has a lot more to do with me than what is going on around me. The one thing that potentially is under my control is my response. But that is a practice now isn’t it?

I have dealt with my financial anxiety pretty well. I am at the point now where I see Bitcoin at its all time high and that seems great, doesn’t it? But the thing is, I know, just as easily, it could drop by 75%.

And you know how I will feel if it does, how I imagine I will feel?

I expect to feel excited. I already have set a tiny bit of money aside so if that happens, I can buy a little more.

When I took a deep dive into studying money (deep for me, not for many others I am sure, but deep enough), I found that Bitcoin gives me hope. I have heard a few people say the world wouldn’t be worth living in if it doesn’t succeed.

I don’t think that’s the case. I have hope for the world that doesn’t ride on one thing. But “fixing the money” and ending fractional reserve banking sure would help.

I want elderly people to be able to save money and have it buy more not less.

That right there is enough for me to put my energy behind it.

So, I feel soothed holding it. I feel ready if government currencies collapse.

And that little story has taken me away from feeling and facing what I am sitting with, which is anxiety. I have told you where it isn’t affecting me so much, which helps me avoid noticing that it is still here, right now.

Which brings me to a little tip.

We all have strategies to avoid difficult emotions. Finger pointing, whether at chem trails, political parties, or difficult people is one. So are thoughts and stories that divert one’s awareness away from what is alive, right now, in this moment.

So there you have it.

Tip #1:

If you are feeling anxious, scared, or uncertain, your mind and subconscious will do whatever it can to take you away from it by distracting you.

In addition to the strategies above, your mind may come up with things you need to take care of RIGHT NOW. You may feel hungry. It will tell you to go eat. You may be worried about your investments. Better check them and reassess. Or it will tell you to turn on the TV, God help you, where you will be supplied with many things to point your finger at that are just WRONG IN THE WORLD, while you sit and avoid what is happening within yourself, under the surface. (Things to check for might be: I feel scared. I feel uncertain. I feel angry. I feel powerless…)

Notice your mind looking for distraction.

That is tip #1.

I just noticed my little aside into Bitcoin and my effort to talk about how well I am doing (when it comes managing financial anxiety) while meanwhile…I woke up anxious.

See how it works.

Next…

Tip #2 & #3:

Notice how you are feeling. Not so you can feed your current state with more worried thoughts, which is like pouring gasoline on a fire. That’s not what I am suggesting. Simply notice so you know what you are working with. “Without awareness there is no choice,” as my teacher, John Barnes, used to say.

Once you notice, it helps to bring some care and compassion to yourself and how you are doing.

It is easy to be critical and hard on yourself as it is likely not the first time you have felt this way. But maybe it is the first time you have offered yourself some empathy? Empathy is a form of care and these anxious, uncertain places need that now don’t they? I know mine do.

Often, these pesky uncomfortable feelings are familiar.

For me, this flavor of anxiety this morning is quite familiar.

It feels like someone is drawing lines on a piece of paper really fast without lifting the pencil up and making a tangled, messy shape.

I have felt this scribbly energy since I was a kid.

And that helps me soften around it a bit.

That makes it a little less likely I will take a break from feeling all this and go make breakfast.

Although my mind is tempting me with images of it right now.

a picture from yesterday’s breakfast…my mind was showing me just now

Now, as I type this, my mind (which is helpful at times and not simply an enemy at which I can point my finger…remember some of those tips above) reminds me that some of the best advice I ever got from a coach was to feel my anxiety less, not more.

So, let’s talk about that for a minute.

Anxiety can be like an addictive habit.

We are used to feeling it (at least some of us are) and it seems, on a certain level, like it will help keep us safe. Like avoiding touching a plug part way in an outlet or moving away from a snake on the path in front of you.

I imagine it is a primitive coping strategy for life.

But an anxious state is not actually a good place from which to make day to day, or life-changing decisions.

Yet, I do think it is worth noticing where it comes from and then offering care to the tender parts of oneself that are in the midst of feeling it.

Here is how it is going for me right now as I try that out:

“Ahhh, Terra, you are feeling a little bit anxious.”

(My mind responds with a sarcastic remark about the cup of coffee I just started the day with and tells me I might have made a poor choice to make and drink it if I don’t want to feel anxious).

I combat my mind by telling myself this: “Terra, you don’t need to be hard on yourself. Its ok to hold yourself softly. Its ok to enjoy your coffee.”

(This is a bit like one of those conversations I watched in a Flintstones cartoon where Fred had an angel on one shoulder and a devilish being on the other arguing with one another as they each told him what to do. I think in the cartoon Fred listened to the devilish one and got one of those LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES. I am not suggesting you do that. But it is good to notice how the self talk feels and then decide to listen to what feels life-enhancing for you.)

Now we all have different things that trigger anxiety I am sure. And some may of your things may overlap with some of mine. (Just so you know you are not alone).

The main thing is that it is hard to sit in fear and certainly not the best place from which to decide things.

I have realized that fear and anxiety do not lead to the best decisions.

Tip #4:

If you are feeling anxious and afraid, don’t try to fix it.

Instead, wait.

Pause a bit.

The Pause, even if it lasts for days, or just a few breaths, seems quite important.

Last time, when I was working with my coach, I followed his directions. I didn’t make any decisions while I was feeling anxious. So I went hiking and did my best to quit worrying. I made a firm decision to follow his advice and not make any plans whilst feeling anxious.

I think in general, this has been quite good advice.

Today, my anxiety is revisiting me for similar reasons to back then.

The reasons come down to this question: “Where should I go next?”

That seems trivial, perhaps. I imagine some people would feel a great deal of delight in the same situation. But, I am not “some people” and neither are you, if you find yourself comparing yourself to them.

Tip #5:

Don’t compare yourself to other people. It never helps.

The places in my system that feel insecure are rising to the surface again. And it can happen. Just because you have dealt with something in your past doesn’t mean you won’t deal with it again.

But you will have more tools the second, or third time around.

Shoot, you’ll have all these tips. I’m revisiting some of them.

Tip #6:

Patterns often repeat and so do the learning opportunities that come with them. But they get easier because with practice and some compassion and care for yourself, you will get better at navigating them.

Now, I am here at a very spiritual site. So, it’s not surprising is it, that things might be coming up here for me to release and upgrade a bit?

You know, difficult things in the midst of all this delightful sacredness.

Which means my old acquaintance Anxiety is back again, to say hello and offer me the opportunity to work with it.

Here’s another tip.

Tip #7:

Ask yourself what feels good to you? What makes you happy? Those things are not distractions. If you notice and do things that feel good and make you happy, it dilutes the anxiety, kind of like putting food coloring in a glass of water.

Good feelings can be like that.

I am pausing to do it myself right now.

I notice I am actually incredibly happy on this rainy day, to be sitting typing to you, in this tiny room decorated in soft blue hues. There is even a small heater. I love to be cozy, and I haven’t felt it often the past few years as El Salvador, where I have been living, is hot.

So, I notice how happy I am to feel cozy here today as I give myself time to just be, without trying to solve what I feel anxious about.

I have twelve days left here in Glastonbury to decide where to go next.

Which brings me to the final tip.

Tip #8:

Ask yourself this question: “What do I want?”

This is much different than what you think you should or need to do. Sometimes it helps to tell yourself you don’t have to make any commitments or change anything. You can let your life stay just as it is. It’s just a question.

But just ask yourself for a minute, “What do I want?” and see what comes to you. It may not be what you expect. In fact, sometimes, it can change the direction you are headed in life if you realize that you are not actually headed towards something you desire.

The question, when it came to me yesterday and I wondered about it for a minute, did just that.

My mind had been telling me I should go to Spain so I could learn Spanish. I wanted to learn it didn’t I? I wanted to talk to my friends in El Salvador more easily.

So I spent hours researching Spanish schools and places in Spain I might like to visit. I was a bit frantic about it, as I planned to leave in about two weeks and felt I needed to figure it all out and have an airplane ticket.

My planning was taking away from my peaceful visit to this sacred place and I was getting more and more anxious as I couldn’t find anything that seemed quite right.

So it was interesting to pause and ask myself, with interest, “What do you want to do Terra?”

And then to hear a more timid, quiet part of myself say, “I really like it here. It’s Spring and it’s pretty. It would be nice to stay a bit longer. Maybe even a month or two.”

My mind hadn’t considered that. It had been busy making plans and scribbling frantic thoughts at me, like that pencil on a piece of paper. It looked up for a moment and sniffed the air a bit.

It put down the pencil.

I realized this year is really a pilgrimage for me. And when I noticed my whole idea of going to Spain was coming from a part of me that both wants to learn Spanish, and thinks I SHOULD learn Spanish, I started to wonder where I actually desired to go next?

My year of pilgrimage is just that. To go be places that have called to me for many years, or that draw me now. To travel from my heart and not from my head.

It was my head telling me I need to go put my nose to the grindstone and do something PRODUCTIVE.

I ignored it for a minute.

“What do I want?”

“What if I put some feelers out and wait a bit?”

It’s not easy for me to do that. I want a plan.

And I had watched Dave in the Chalice well garden more than once, demonstrate how things take time. That the energy field in which we live, needs time to respond to us.

“It is good to pause and listen,” he told me. “Sure, it is good to get things done. But we need to give them time. We need to pay attention.”

I decided I could learn something from him and instead of frantically trying to decide, I started to ask around a bit, with no agenda. I mentioned to a few people I might want to stay longer here. I told them I would love to find a place I could rent for a month or two.

I stopped in a real estate office a friend mentioned and left my number.

And I decided to stop trying so hard to figure things out and give the divine energy field around me some time to respond.

Tip #9:

Feel the state you want to be in.

Then I felt in my body, how good it feels to be on a sacred pilgrimage. I took a moment to allow it, even without an answer or a clear idea yet, of what I would do.

I reminded myself that it wasn’t a good day to figure anything out. I had asked around a bit about staying here longer once I realized I would enjoy that, and I noticed I had been spending days getting caught up in worry and uncertainty. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. At least not today. I still had time. I had more than ten days left.

What if I just let it all sit and percolate?

“What do I want to do today?” I asked myself.

And I noticed I wanted to write, and then go visit Dave in the garden. After that I would enjoy a stroll through the lush countryside.

It seemed like a good plan. And…

Tip #10:

Pray for assistance.

I took a moment to ask the subtle beings I consider my crew to help out with things. “I would really appreciate some assistance. You have my permission to help me figure things out,” I told them.

Then, as I finished writing and then this email came in:

Hi Terra
Rachel mentioned to me that you might be looking for a longer stay in Glastonbury

We can offer you a half price discount for 3 or 4 weeks if that would help…..

thanks
Jan

Jan is the artist who has been renting me this cosy room.

I got a quick response when I let go of trying, prayed for assistance and opened to asking and feeling what I truly wanted.

A few hours later, after finishing my breakfast, which looked like the one in the photo above, I wandered over to the garden.

“I would like to get on the waitlist for Dave’s dowsing class,” I said. “I think I may stay here longer and I am not sure yet. But if I do, I could take it. Do you know where he is?”

“Oh, Dave is really busy today,” said the lady in the gift shop. “He’s in the garden and you don’t want to disturb him.”

“Oh, ok.” I said.

“But you can go in the office and put your name on a waitlist,” she continued.

“I’ll do that,” I responded, before I headed off to wander through the garden.

A few minutes later, Dave trotted by.

I wasn’t going to talk to him, although I had been quietly watching him from the distance as he used his dowsing rods to determine where to put some new baby plants. As I walked past him, I caught his eye and he smiled at me with what appears to be a perpetual twinkle in his eye and said, “Hello! I didn’t know that was you!”

So I paused to talk to him for a minute. He assured me he was happy to talk to me for a bit so I asked him a few questions about what I had seen him doing. He trotted off again with a wheelbarrow and told me he didn’t need any help, so I settled into a seat tucked under some flowering vines out of the rain to enjoy the peace of the moment.

He returned soon after and began to dig.

“I feel guilty just sitting here while you are working,” I said from under my canopy of white flowers with my feet jutting out from the wide bench. “I’m happy to help.”

“Sitting and enjoying is important,” he informed me. “People don’t do enough of it.”

So that’s what I did.

Even though my mind tells me its not ok to savor the moment, and spend days in gardens and strolling through hills of buttercups, maybe my mind is wrong? Maybe I haven’t done enough of it…?

Last tip, #11, from Dave:

“Sitting and enjoying is important,” he informed me. “People don’t do enough of it.”

Later, on my walk I noticed some beautiful clouds…and took a picture of them. This time, simply because I found them to be exquisite.

and here is a poem for you I recently heard from a friend called Gift.

Gift

by Czesław Miłosz

A day so happy.

Fog lifted early, I worked in the garden.

Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers.

There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess.

I knew no one worth my envying him.

Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot.

To think that once I was the same man did not embarrass me.

In my body I felt no pain.

When straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails.

from New & Collected Poems 1931-2001 (Allen Lane, The Penguin Press, 2001)

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