The sovereign, royal being that is you, is worth honoring

What does it mean to embody a frequency of excellence? It's ok to want and need authentic connection, care, humility, kindness, and compassion. Can you allow them to flow through you?

A full moon night at the beach, in El Zonte, El Salvador

FUN

Is what you are doing, right now, fun? Is reading this fun for you? I hope so. If not, that’s ok.

You deserve fun.

It’s ok to put this aside.

Your soul will thank you for that.

That’s because you are designed for fun. You are meant to have fun. Your creativity comes from and through a place of fun. At least, I believe that is the optimal frequency of divine creative energy. Sure, Van Gogh cut off his own ear. I wish he had been having more fun.

I would enjoy seeing what he would paint as a self-portrait from the full-blown joy that comes from the ecstasy of being alive. I would love to see him absolutely loving every curve of his ears. I would love to see him touching his ears with interest and delight.

Let’s see what AI does with that shall we?

self portrait of Van Gough, happy, painting and having fun

What part of yourself do you want to allow? How do you want to feel?

You may have been taught that life has to be hard to make progress. You may have learned at some point, that success comes from suffering.

Why is that?

Have you ever wondered?

This week, I watched a baby bird on the beach, being attacked by crows. From the distance, where I was standing on the steps leading back to my casita, I wasn’t sure it actually was a bird. I told myself maybe it was simply a fish, dying on the sand.

When the crows flew away a few moments later, I had to check. I climbed back over the white gate, and walked across the sea-rounded, soft grey desert of stones to the black sand where I had been minutes before. Then I looked down.

It was a tiny baby bird. It was still breathing. It’s eye was gone; and I supposed it had been pecked out. The waves were coming in, not quite reaching it…yet.

And I wondered about it and life. I wondered what to do? I knew I couldn’t save it. I wanted to.

I wondered if those crows were simply offering it compassion and helping it die.

There is so much I don’t know.

Would it suffer as the waves came in? Was it suffering as I watched or was it’s soul already exiting it’s body?

Life can be f—king hard to watch sometimes.

It can look and feel less than fun.

Sometimes, you might want to cut off your own ear.

Or make the suffering you see and feel more physical and embodied somehow. More alive. Some people become “cutters”, sort of like Van Gough when he removed his own ear, but more hidden.

I left the bird gently breathing. And I walked away.

There are many things in life right now that I don’t understand, or that I desperately want to be different.

But the remedy I feel, is not more suffering. The remedy is not to fall into despair.

The remedy is to be with the feelings that come with what I see. To connect with whatever is happening. To allow myself to feel it, no matter how messy. And then to focus on what I, as a sovereign, sensitive being who feels a lot, want and need.

I need to have fun in the midst of all this.

Somehow, when I allow myself to experience it all, including joy, the canvas of life becomes more colorful.

I am not writing this so you will feel sad.

I am writing this to say, “I see you. I know things are really hard right now. And despite that, can you notice what would be fun for you in the midst of the hurricane of life? What would feel creative and joyful?”

I am not talking about going out and getting drunk. I am not talking about all those coping strategies we all have. They are not bad. They are amazing. We need to cope.

But I want to give you another strategy. I want to offer you something that you may not have been encouraged to allow as a guiding principle for your life.

I am asking you to honor yourself and love yourself despite and because of IT ALL.

I want you to have fun.

Without bypassing anything.

I want you to allow yourself to feel compassion, and kindness. I want you to walk up to things and look at them and say, this is f—king sad. Then I want you to be ok being sad. Find someone who can resonate with how you are feeling and look you deeply in the eyes.

And as you guide the boat that is your life through all of these turbulent energies, I want you to be able to smile and say, “Hey me, what now? How do I want to do this? What would be fun?”

Not everything is fun. That is real. Let’s include that for sure. But what if fun was part of the way you feel into your next steps.

What if you are a very sensitive, sovereign being who feels a lot?

I imagine if you are reading what I write, you are somewhat like me in that way.

A FREQUENCY OF EXCELLENCE

I can walk into a store and pick out the most expensive thing without looking at the price tag.

I can feel quality.

I can feel it in people and I can feel it in things.

I can feel it in precious, painful moments of watching a tiny bird’s exit back to heaven. But maybe it all is heaven and I am still learning to feel and allow that? There is a lot I think about.

YOU DESERVE QUALITY

What if you are royalty? What if you are really discerning and your environment and every detail, really matters?

One of my friends used to mention that I am a lot like the princess in the fairytale: The Princess and the Pea.

the princess and the pea, stack of mattresses, pea is visible, princess is tossing and turning on the top mattress, she is in a cold castle bedroom

In the story, the Princess couldn’t sleep all night because there was a tiny pea under the towering stack of mattresses underneath her. She got bruises on her body from that one, tiny pea.

In the story, this made her a princess.

SENSITIVITY IS A QUALITY OF ROYALTY

That kind of sensitivity is a quality of a sovereign, royal being.

My friend was just talking to me about embodying discernment, compassion, and high standards…energetically and physically.

He mentioned this kind of sovereignty is not anything like what we might call “regular royalty”. This is not Queen Elizabeth energy.

And he’s right.

It’s not.

I really question if the royal family is having much fun.

Money does not equate to fun.

You can have no money and get the most beautiful, high-quality piece of fruit and savor it. In that moment, you are embodying your royal energy. You are savoring from a place of exquisite feeling.

You are that prince or princess and you are feeling the gift of being able to sense peas in your bedding.

A SHORT STORY

I have been looking into purchasing a car here in El Salvador. At times, my quest has come from a less-than sovereign place in myself. I have fallen into desperation and uncertainty.

In El Salvador, most used cars have been in accidents in the US. They are shipped down here where labor is less expensive and shined up to sell on the second hand market. New cars are more expensive than in the States. I am not sure why.

I wrote about a used car I drove that didn’t feel right to me. I decided to pass on it despite how I was “sold” on how great it was. No matter how much my mind wanted to buy it and just get the car-buying goal over with, the seats hurt. I was suffering from the Princess and the Pea part of me. And the suffering was actually a gift saying, “Hey Terra, you don’t feel good in this car. That’s not going to be fun for you is it?”

Car number two crossed my radar recently. I loved the young, German teacher who was selling it. She seemed to have taken care of it. I drove it and it felt good. The seats were comfy, it had good clearance and the price was right. It was older than I wanted. But I told myself it would be a great compromise for a while until I am more settled here. Until I have a garage to keep a car in and offer it the love I want to give to it.

There was just one problem, one Pea, that kept niggling at me. The airbag wasn’t working. I told myself I was over-thinking things. I told myself it was a big car and safer just because I would have a lot of “Jeep” metal around me.

And one of the other issues with car #1 was it also lacked an airbag. When I drove it, I told myself that airbags mattered a lot to me. I wanted working airbags for myself and any passengers who might drive with me.

Then car #2 showed up. I called some mechanics. I texted a friend. The “Pea” issue that was the airbag, kept poking at me.

I realized lots of people were trying to sell me on this car, and no one had adequately assured me I could get the airbag fixed to my liking.

So, this morning I cancelled my appointment tomorrow to meet with the German teacher and get the car checked at a place called Gibson. Gibson doesn’t fix airbags.

I want to feel good and I want to have fun.

I want to really embody the energy of being a royal, sovereign being.

And we are f—king discerning aren’t we?

DISCERNMENT IS A GREAT QUALITY

I imagine, you, like me, may have compromised a lot in your life. You probably had to to survive your upbringing, or your schooling. You may have compromised yourself for a sense of belonging.

You may have compromised yourself for wild sex with someone that really could not meet you in other ways.

You may have settled for less.

You may have learned to live with The Pea.

Maybe you felt the recent push to violate your health freedom? Maybe you compromised yourself in some way?

Well, we have all said yes to Peas at some point.

I don’t want to make assumptions and I don’t think one can get through life without compromising oneself at some point, and later regretting it.

But what if you see that as simply a learning process?

What if all these Peas show up so you can learn to feel what you really want and need?

What if baby birds show up dying on the beach so you can actually pause, and go stand next to it and with it, and feel your place in that moment.

AUTHENTIC CONNECTION AND CARE

Sometimes, the most compassionate thing to do is to see The Pea. To spend some time with it. To allow it to be there and then to decide what you need.

I had a week that really threw me in some ways. An app I like on my phone is going to be deleted from the US app store tomorrow. This may seem like a small thing. But it hit me hard.

Some companies are leaving the US now because they are afraid of the consequences of what they want to offer, being unwelcome. The founders are afraid of being put in jail because their creative solutions are no longer desired by a government that seems more and more invasive and controlling.

That is how it feels to me.

I am not writing this to resonate in anger together or so you will agree. I hope you can give yourself enough distance from my words to simply allow my experience.

Which brings me to the story of my tearful meltdown in the lobby of my favorite hotel, and how it relates to authentic connection and care.

You see, I try very hard to follow the current laws and regulations of the various governments of countries in which I live or have citizenship. That may seem weak. And I have decided that at this time, it feels like kindness to myself. I don’t want to poke the tiger. Even if it is doing things I don’t agree with.

I tell myself I am doing more than most to free myself from things that don’t feel good.

Nevertheless, I have gotten a lot of criticism for my rule-following here in El Salvador. I meet people who have read The Sovereign Individual and are living completely on what is called, A Bitcoin Standard. All their assets are private and they like it that way.

Mine are not.

And I am rule-following, as the alternative would keep me awake at night.

But when I heard the app company was leaving the US, I really started to grieve. At first, I didn’t feel it fully.

Mostly, I focused on what other apps I can use instead. I spoke to a software developer here. He recommended one. I learned that company is leaving the US as well.

I didn’t really know I was grieving until I stepped into the lobby of Puro Surf to buy a new package of yoga classes. A young man who worked there asked me how I was. So, I told him about this app and how I was struggling to find a solution.

And let’s pause now.

Really pause.

Because knowing how and when to pause with yourself and other people is key.

This is where the magic happens.

This is what true, deep connection looks and feels like and you deserve it. It is ok to want it. It is ok to receive it. And it is ok to realize when you are not getting it.

It is possible for you to experience, no matter how many people are still learning how to do it.

Some can.

This young man looked at me with his chocolate eyes and said,

“I know about that.”

“I understand.”

“I heard about that.”

“My mom lives in the US.”

“We can help you.”

And the biggest thing that happened through and under those words was the energy that flowed from his eyes to mine. It was an energy of connection. It was filled with compassion and understanding.

It felt like water in the desert to me.

My week of angst dissolved and my resistance to what is melted. The sandcastle I had built around the world I want slowly melted too and I began to cry.

He looked at me and my tears with the exact same amount of understanding and compassion.

He didn’t lean away, change the subject, judge me, or try to hide.

He just repeated, “We can help you with that.”

Which caused a few more grateful tears to flow.

I went to my yoga class and it was wonderful. And the next day, I felt better. I walked back into the lobby with a smile in my heart and the young man looked at me and said, “How are you doing?”

I said, “I just wanted to come in and apologize for losing it in the lobby yesterday.”

And he simply repeated his question, “How are you doing?”

”Today I feel really happy.”

“I love to see a smile on your face,” he said.

And that was it.

He was there for me.

He was not looking for me to show up sunny-side up every day, and he simply wanted me to be happy.

Part of what changed my week was that he really saw me. He connected with me.

It was deeper than any kind of “therapy” or trying to fix me so he would not have to feel what I was feeling.

He acknowledged The Pea with me and he honored that yes, yes, there actually is a Real Pea. And it is authentically bothering me. And that’s ok.

Sovereign, royal beings feel Peas.

Its ok.

It makes you sensitive.

It makes you compassionate.

It makes you worthy of living life with fun as one of your guiding principles.

It makes it ok to be different, because you are.

It makes your life important.

Not everyone notices Peas.

Not everyone is courageous enough to say, “I am going to do this for fun. I am going to make my life about fun. And I am going to honor what I feel at the same time. I am going to make space for things. I am going to honor myself. And I am worthy of connection, with other Pea-feeling, sovereign beings who see me.”

—Butterfly signing off this week.

With love.

Blessings on your journey. Despite the Peas.

(and just so you know, I had fun writing this)

van gough style painting of a princess with a smile skipping through a field of flowers happily with some blue butterflies