What a lovely, heartwarming post! Thanks for writing about your experiences so openly. I resonated deeply with the persistent feeling of being alone. I also can't help but draw comparisons between the victim energy you referred here and the emotion of shame. I wonder how closely they are related. I see feeling shame as akin to marking yourself as victim. Because you simply cannot love what it is when you feel shameful about your own being. In my struggles with my compulsive patterns, I have always tried to fix them or to stop feeling a certain way. For a long time, I felt deeply shameful and guilty about experiencing certain emotions. I tried to name them, identify them, somehow manage them. But, never tried to be at peace with them, let alone love them. Ever since I have begun to rise above the shame and develop a deep sense of okayness within myself, I am doing much better. I no longer see myself as a victim to go through that phase or spend so many years struggling with it. I am slowly coming to the stage that I could begin to see those years as a gift. I realize that maybe I was never really alone, I was only disconnected. The more connected I feel- not just with friends or family but with a non-judgemental, compassionate awareness within- the easier it becomes to love whatever is arising within me and unfolding in front of me. Rediscovering this connection has helped me step out of the victim energy and overcome feelings of persistent aloneness and shame.
There is so much wisdom in your words. They feel like they weave into my own exploration above so beautifully. Thank you. "The more connected I feel- not just with friends or family but with a non-judgemental, compassionate awareness within- the easier it becomes to love whatever is arising within me and unfolding in front of me." I realize that I do feel a sense of something being "wrong" with me when there are angry people directing their emotions towards me. I felt it just an hour ago as I passed The Bull recently. I looked away (another coping mechanism of mine is to try to be "friendly" like a puppy looking for love from an ice cube). How do we rise above things? That is a deep exploration for me. Not ignore them. Not bypass them. But literally rise into a different frequency state. That inner acceptance and awareness seems so key. I definitely continue to work on all these things. "How can I make this more fun?" seems to help. Otherwise I fall into old habit patterns of perfectionism and being good-enough, which hide shame and not feeling that way no matter what. I am glad we are both exploring this along with the beautiful women who also commented above. It feels profoundly important in reclaiming myself and my joy. And you speak to it so well with the quote I added. To find one's compassionate, non-judgemental awareness within is tremendously helpful in bringing in those frequencies I feel are missing in my inner symphony. Love, care, compassion, and acceptance of me and the situation in the moment. Plus a dose of noticing beauty. There is that too.
Wonderful post!! And often we learn from other people just by simply being around their energy. It sounds like it was a good growing experience, although difficult at the time, I am sure.
What a JOURNEY! I loved reading about you and the wise eyed young woman - you both saw wisdom in one another. I feel like we are always helping each other up the ladder (or inward toward the center) the way you did with her! There is a passage by Alana Fairchild where she shares about discussing with a friend some things she has felt (and in a different way her friend has felt) they had to hold space for for themselves, not because they weren't willing to share or be open/vulnerable but because others simply weren't in a place to hold space for the magnitude or nature of what they had to share. I feel that way about all my deepest vulnerabilities - at least outside of the ones who lives with me - and it can lead me to feel alone at times. I totally resonate with the self-compassion and how it opens you up! I have a mantra I've been using in various forms to bring all that needs to be witnessed, felt, accepted to allownce in love within me and to let go if it wants to, but to be unconditionally loved: 'I love you with unconditional love."
Yes! Ahhhh. And your mantra is lovely. I am playing with something similar. I know emotions and states arise to be loved and held. Some seem to drain me (anger, fear, grief) and I wondered if I could, at the same time I feel and hold them, also notice and feel beauty and care around me? It is an exploration. I am glad you have people in your household who can hold with compassion what you share. Loving energy. Loving hands. It changes the world.
“And of course you can’t receive this exactly as I send it. You are both the same and different from me. You are your own beautiful snowflake. You are God’s prayer too, here on the Earth, unique in your beauty and your needs. What you are ready to hear or see is also unique to you.”
What you write resonants with me Terra. Thank you for this! ✨💜✨
What a lovely, heartwarming post! Thanks for writing about your experiences so openly. I resonated deeply with the persistent feeling of being alone. I also can't help but draw comparisons between the victim energy you referred here and the emotion of shame. I wonder how closely they are related. I see feeling shame as akin to marking yourself as victim. Because you simply cannot love what it is when you feel shameful about your own being. In my struggles with my compulsive patterns, I have always tried to fix them or to stop feeling a certain way. For a long time, I felt deeply shameful and guilty about experiencing certain emotions. I tried to name them, identify them, somehow manage them. But, never tried to be at peace with them, let alone love them. Ever since I have begun to rise above the shame and develop a deep sense of okayness within myself, I am doing much better. I no longer see myself as a victim to go through that phase or spend so many years struggling with it. I am slowly coming to the stage that I could begin to see those years as a gift. I realize that maybe I was never really alone, I was only disconnected. The more connected I feel- not just with friends or family but with a non-judgemental, compassionate awareness within- the easier it becomes to love whatever is arising within me and unfolding in front of me. Rediscovering this connection has helped me step out of the victim energy and overcome feelings of persistent aloneness and shame.
There is so much wisdom in your words. They feel like they weave into my own exploration above so beautifully. Thank you. "The more connected I feel- not just with friends or family but with a non-judgemental, compassionate awareness within- the easier it becomes to love whatever is arising within me and unfolding in front of me." I realize that I do feel a sense of something being "wrong" with me when there are angry people directing their emotions towards me. I felt it just an hour ago as I passed The Bull recently. I looked away (another coping mechanism of mine is to try to be "friendly" like a puppy looking for love from an ice cube). How do we rise above things? That is a deep exploration for me. Not ignore them. Not bypass them. But literally rise into a different frequency state. That inner acceptance and awareness seems so key. I definitely continue to work on all these things. "How can I make this more fun?" seems to help. Otherwise I fall into old habit patterns of perfectionism and being good-enough, which hide shame and not feeling that way no matter what. I am glad we are both exploring this along with the beautiful women who also commented above. It feels profoundly important in reclaiming myself and my joy. And you speak to it so well with the quote I added. To find one's compassionate, non-judgemental awareness within is tremendously helpful in bringing in those frequencies I feel are missing in my inner symphony. Love, care, compassion, and acceptance of me and the situation in the moment. Plus a dose of noticing beauty. There is that too.
Wonderful post!! And often we learn from other people just by simply being around their energy. It sounds like it was a good growing experience, although difficult at the time, I am sure.
Thank you! For sure! And my friend and I learned together… It was nice.
What a JOURNEY! I loved reading about you and the wise eyed young woman - you both saw wisdom in one another. I feel like we are always helping each other up the ladder (or inward toward the center) the way you did with her! There is a passage by Alana Fairchild where she shares about discussing with a friend some things she has felt (and in a different way her friend has felt) they had to hold space for for themselves, not because they weren't willing to share or be open/vulnerable but because others simply weren't in a place to hold space for the magnitude or nature of what they had to share. I feel that way about all my deepest vulnerabilities - at least outside of the ones who lives with me - and it can lead me to feel alone at times. I totally resonate with the self-compassion and how it opens you up! I have a mantra I've been using in various forms to bring all that needs to be witnessed, felt, accepted to allownce in love within me and to let go if it wants to, but to be unconditionally loved: 'I love you with unconditional love."
Yes! Ahhhh. And your mantra is lovely. I am playing with something similar. I know emotions and states arise to be loved and held. Some seem to drain me (anger, fear, grief) and I wondered if I could, at the same time I feel and hold them, also notice and feel beauty and care around me? It is an exploration. I am glad you have people in your household who can hold with compassion what you share. Loving energy. Loving hands. It changes the world.
“And of course you can’t receive this exactly as I send it. You are both the same and different from me. You are your own beautiful snowflake. You are God’s prayer too, here on the Earth, unique in your beauty and your needs. What you are ready to hear or see is also unique to you.”
What you write resonants with me Terra. Thank you for this! ✨💜✨
Thank you Charlotte. Lots of love ❤️.
Of course @Terra Brooke ✨🤗💖